Happy 30th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Today would have been my parent's 30th wedding anniversary. However, my dad's in heaven right now with Jesus... so yeah. Mom's here in San Diego with me and we're gonna take her out today. She's staying at the Torrey Pines Hilton down the street. Happy Anniversary.

So anyway, I had such weird dreams last night. I dreamt that i kept spilling things everywhere on people. I'm such a clutz (is that how you spell it?). And also, Toni had a concert, and we spent so much time practicing, but we didn't sing any of the songs that we practiced and the whole show lasted as long as a PCC! ECK.

Moving on.

It's been a while since i've written in here. Life has been SOOOO busy because of PCC, and now that it's over, it's a little better. PSST (Pilipino Students Saving Tagalog) is taking up more of my time now. But after this banquet is done, hopefully my schedule will be freed up.

Today I read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost For His Highest. It really caught my attention when he said, "You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do something to exhibit it." Salvation is free, yes, but once you receive it, it is your responsibility to share it and make it known to others that you have been saved. You can't just keep your free gift to yourself.

Two good passages related to this:

Philippians 2:14-16

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

1 Timothy 4:12

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.



Jesus,

Today, I pray that your light shines through me and that I work at exhibiting my salvation to others. I pray that people would notice the difference that You have made in my life. Thank you for restoring me and refreshing me with Your Word and Your love.

I lift up to you my mom, who is alone today for her anniversary. Give her comfort Jesus when she feels sad. Help her to rejoice in the fact that Dad is with you. Help her to find joy when she has none. Fill her Lord with your love and wrap your loving arms around her.

God, I lift up to you the burdens in my life as well. I ask for strength when it seems like i have none left. I pray Lord that I may finish off this quarter strong. I also pray that you guide me in matters of the heart. You know Lord what is going on in my life and the choices that have been laid out in front of me. Help me to choose according to your word and your will. All i want to do is do your will.

I love you, Jesus.

In your most precious name I pray. Amen.

It's been a while!

Wow... its been so long since i've posted. I feel like i've done so much and grown so much since i've last written in here. School has been hard for me lately.. especially with all the extracurricular things going on like PCC and our Bible study (now called Banyuhay, meaning basically "New Form of Life"). But nevertheless, God is amazing and continues to work in my life through people and through everyday events.

Let's give an update.

-I'm going to be an RA next year for ERC.
-I'm going to be in PCC playing Mandi Rigma (meaning warrior in Tagalog.. cool!)
-I've got a new booking agent named Christina Luna.
-I went to the Bay for Spring break and spent time with Jayme, Mark, Kuya Allen, the Palarcas, Drey, Anj, and Beng. It was an awesome week.
-The Bible study, Banyuhay is starting up this quarter. YAY!
-My hair is short and its highlighted what was supposed to be red... but looks brownish.
-After a unpleasant wake up call with school and money, I'm being more diligent with all my responsibilities.
-Three friends of mine recently received Christ into their lives: My ading Jeremy, Thomas, and Jerome. PRAISE THE LORD!
-Toni and a whole bunch of other awesome, beautiful talented people put together a concert last month and shared all of Toni's original music.

for pictures on all of these wonderful events, go to:

http://community.webshots.com/user/djzee624
and
http://community.webshots.com/user/zdejesus

Right now I want to take some time to tell my Jesus how thankful I am for all that He's doing in my life.

Jesus, my Savior,

I want to praise You for all that You are: Holy, Righteous, Sovereign, Loving, Kind, Gracious, Merciful... i could go on and on. You Abba, Father, are the Creator of this whole world. You created everything that lives and breathes... and somehow, although You're SUPER ALMIGHTY POWERFUL... You love a sinner like me. You love me. AMAZING.

Thank you Lord for your forgiveness that you give me because You died on the cross. I'm sorry and I confess that I have been so busy, too busy, to spend time with You. If I say that I love You... I need to show you and tell you everyday. Please forgive me and help me to show you everyday.

Thank you for the wonderful brothers and sisters you've blessed me with: Nowie, Mark, Miguel... all the wonderful new brothers and sisters at IV -- Ramiro, La Mikia, Althea... all my other wonderful friends from KP who love you-- Daniel, Ray, Jerome... oh i could go on. You continually give me more blessing through these people. And to think that I thought I wouldn't be able to handle being single. It is such a gift and a blessing to be single.. to serve you without limitations. JESUS THANK YOU.

Thank you for all the wonderful opportunities to share how much I love you-- even on the shuttle!

I pray that you would continually use me each day to further your kingdom and reach out to those who might not know you or who just need encouragement. Use Banyuhay for Your glory as well. Show us all how You want to use us. There are too many thoughts in my head to type out-- but Lord you know them. You know my concerns: a woman's role in the church, time management and discipline in school, my unsaved friends, Banyuhay, PCC, discipleship, my family, my personal walk with You...

I give all my burdens and concerns to You. Thank you for Your peace that transcends all understanding.

I love You. I love You Jesus.

Today's Theme Song: Enough by Chris Tomlin

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re my coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

Where do I begin?

My heavenly Father,

I am overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings... with burdens and desires. I'm sitting here in my room thinking about you and how you've been working in my life. I'm overwhelmed. You consistently amaze me.

Lord you are AWESOME. These past few days and weeks have been such an experience. You are evident in my life. I see you in the people around me, in the places I go, and in the daily activities I experience. You are here. I wish I could begin to describe you in words... but as I search for the words, I'm left speechless. I have so many things to say that it overwhelms me and I can't seem to put it down in mere words, but i'll try anyway.. God you are:

Faithful
Perfect
Sovereign
Love
Forgiving
Merciful
Gracious
More than enough

Today I woke up at 6 am to drive back to San Diego from Glendale. On the way I prayed that you would bless today and dedicated it to you. You certainly did more than bless me. I brought Thomas and Jeremy to church. I did not know what you were going to do in their hearts today. It was more than I expected. Today they received you into their hearts. I praise you for that. My brothers will be in heaven with us one day.

Today you restored a broken fellowship. Matthew 5:23-24 says, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Before I can worship you, you ask that I reconcile with my brother. I asked for guidance and you CLEARLY gave it. The words "thank you" don't seem to suffice in my attempt to express my gratitude to you. You gave me peace, you gave me courage, you gave me strength, you gave me love. You gave him peace, you gave him forgiveness, you gave him love. We will serve you now as one in the body of Christ... no longer separated by sin or a grudge. Thank you thank you thank you. Use me now Lord more than you've ever used me before.

Jesus, I love you. I love you.

Your incredibly grateful, undeserving daughter,

Zandi

Good times with EmBeeZiuM... and Ray and Jerome!

-late night laundry
-feet/pillow fight
-anger!
-Guys? Roomies? Spartans forever?
-love... and forgiveness
-muzack
-MARK MEJIA!! JAKE!!
-rubber ducky PJs and huge Warriors sweatshirt
-late night SavOn's and Kinko's
-hyperactive cheerleaders
-oh hello Sun!!!
-AAAAHHHH! Turn the ugly alarm off!
-Oh hello phone!! Oh hello vibrating phone!
-10 more minutes Mom!

*tear*... I love EmBeeZium! And Ray and Jerome too... we love Jesus!!

The Passion of the Christ

Heavenly Father,

Today, or last night rather, 40 people came out with the TGIF Bible study to watch The Passion of the Christ! WOW. You are awesome. I pray that you use that movie to invoke thought and to spark a desire in our hearts to know you more. Use me Lord.. use me to further your kingdom.

But most of all, this morning, I ask that you would make your PASSION real to me. Help me to understand what that means to my life.. to my faith.

Thank you for letting me be a part of this. Thank you for choosing me to serve you. Thank you for your many blessings. Thank you for the tests and trials that build my faith in you. Thank you for my brothers Miguel and Mark who encourage me and challenge me... Thank you for Bien, my sister.

I love you more and more each day. I pray that never stops growing.

Bah-tons Baby!!

Oh Lord,

You never cease to amaze me. You bless every minute of my day with more joy that only comes from you.

Today, I went to lunch with Ginang Nacu, Mark, Jon and Jade.. that was a pleasant and unexpected event for today. I had a lot of fun and laughed a lot.

I talked to Laura in class... We were talking about dreams and sleep. I laughed a lot.

I saw Laura and Rachel on the shuttle... Rachel's coming to see the Passion. I praise You and thank You for every single person You add to the list. On the way back home, we were talking and laughing. It was great.

Then Mark, Miguel and Bien came over again to practice the Bridge Illustration. I love those people. Thank you for their lives. They make me laugh, they encourage me, they inspire me, and they are all around beautiful people. I enjoy their company and the laughter... and all the wonderful things we share in common... ESPECIALLY YOU!

Then they left... and I called Ivy to help me prepare for my RA interview. She's a wonderful person and really helpful. But more than that, I've found an awesome friend in her. Thank you God. We shared a lot of similar experiences with each other.. and even shed some tears together. I didn't expect to be so blessed.

Jesus... you are so wonderful... I attribute all my joy and all my blessings to You. You are the source of everything good in my life. You are the source of life.

I love You.

Matthew's Gospel

This morning I read about the death and resurrection of Jesus in the book of Matthew. As I was praying about it, I realized that I had read it so many times. I realized that it's so easy for someone to have faith and believe in it if they've been taught it so many times. It becomes something regular. So today, I asked God to make Jesus' story REAL to me... make it REAL to my life. I asked him to show me and teach me what Christ's death meant to ME.

I also learned something new today while reading. On the road to Golgotha where he was crucified, Jesus was offered wine with Gall mixed in it. I wondered... what's Gall? I read in the footnote that Gall deadens the pain. People were offering a way out of his suffering... trying to ease his pain. But Jesus refused it. He wanted to suffer and pay the FULL price of our sins. He wanted to fulfill his mission completely... wholeheartedly. He never backed down. He could've come down from the cross. He could've told them to stop beating him and mocking him. He could've asked God to send down a legion of angels to rescue him-- but he didn't. He went all the way... for ME.

I thank you Jesus for suffering for me. I never want to take for granted what you did for me.

Sigh... I love you, Lord.

God,

You are amazing. You are awesome. You are beautiful. Your love is... Indescribable.

So much is happening. You're moving in me. I can't even put into words what I'm experiencing.

You've blessed me so much already. You've changed my perspective and my heart. You've transformed my mind. You've given me so much strength.

Yesterday, the meeting with Miguel, Bien, and Mark was so blessed. You were there in our midst. You guided us. You overwhelmed me with your presence. You are going to do something amazing in us and through this Bible study. I know it. You are going to touch so many people with this movie. I have faith.

Today, I talked with Ian for the first time since last Wednesday. It was very good to hear from him and hear all the great things that You're doing in his life. Of course, I had to share what You were doing in mine.. and I couldn't stop talking. I'm so thankful for what you're doing in our lives. I'm thankful that you've allowed us to remain friends. I have faith that you have an AWESOME plan for each of us... something beyond anything we could ever imagine.

I love You. I give my life and my heart to You. I surrender it all to You. I worship You.

God is GOOD! ALLL THE TIME!

GO JESUS!! I love you!

Thank you God! It wasn't that bad!!

I just finished my test, and although I didn't do as well as I could've or as well as I did last time, I was very surprised to know how much I did retain this morning! All the glory and praise go to JESUS CHRIST! He guided me through it all the way.

I love you Lord!

Today's Theme Song: Goodbye To You by - Michelle Branch

I never really listened to the lyrics of this song. This is my theme song today.


Goodbye To You Lyrics - Michelle Branch:

"Of all the things I've believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
tears form behind my eyes,
but I do not cry,
counting the days that pass me by.

I've been searchin' deep down in my soul;
words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old,
it feels like I'm starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
and I said...

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold onto.

I still get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that I can't live a day without you,
closing my eyes,
and you chase my thoughts away,
to a place where I am blinded by the light,
but it's not right.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

Ooh whoa....
and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,
I want you,
but I'm not giving in this time.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold onto
Goodbye to you, (goodbye to you)
goodbye to everything I thought I knew, (goodbye to you)
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold onto,
(the one thing that i tried to hold onto)
the one thing that I tried to hold onto.
(the one thing that i tried to hold onto)

Oh, oh whoa, oh, oh (one thing that i tried to hold onto)
and when the stars fall I will lie awake,
you're my shooting star

6 hours to go! Pray!

Dear Jesus,

I've got 6 six hours to study for my neurobiology midterm. Please give me the wisdom to understand and retain the knowledge i'm about to study. Help me to memorize as best I can and to reproduce it during the test. Thank you for the rest last night.

The Passion is this Friday!! 4 more days to go!

God, Help Me!!

Dear God,

I'm struggling so much right now. I don't want to study. I don't like school. I don't want to do homework. I just want to have fun and listen to music and play music and sing and hang out with friends all day long. I need your strength and your discipline right now SOOO badly. I'm really feeling apathetic about school. I don't know if Psychology is what you want me to be doing. I'm really feeling for music. But i'm not sure what to do. Help me Lord and give me discernment and direction.

Help me to open my books and read my notes.. and most of all to comprehend and retain what I review. Help me to have a passion for learning and to be a good and responsible student for You. This is my biggest struggle right now. Lord, help me!

Job

Job 1:6-12

Job was a man of God. Satan believed that if God took away all his possessions that Job would curse God to his face. But God believed that he was truly "blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." So God allowed Satan to take everything Job had, including his children, but told Satan not to kill Job.

Even through the suffering of losing all he had in the blink of an eye... Job praised God. He recognized that no matter what trials or suffering he went through, he should praise God. That is really admirable. And that's why God had so much faith in his servant Job.

Dear Jesus,

Today I want to praise you for any suffering I'm going through. I want to be like Job who never ceased to praise You, even through the extremely hard times in his life. I know that you have an awesome plan for my life and that my sufferings and trials build my perseverance and faith. Help me Lord to praise you through all circumstances.

I love you.

I Ain't Yo' Uncle and Whale Rider

Today I watched Arash's show I Ain't Yo' Uncle. It's the characters' of Uncle Tom's Cabin version of the story. Very moving. Very thought-provoking. Very creatively done.

Then after that I watched the movie Whale Rider with my roommate Carina. It was surprisingly good. I've seen it at Blockbuster before, but I didn't know what it was about. The girl in the movie is soo cute and very talented. Good movie.

I missed the Christina Aguilera SNL, but Allan said it wasn't that good. I'm not surprised actually. Most of the SNLs these days are really lame compared to how there were before.

Now I'm watching the VH1 movie on Ike and Tina Turner. Dude.. People who think that beating their wives or children are SICK. It makes me SOOOOO mad.

I'm sleepy now. Going to bed.

Tomorrow I'm going to rehearse with Monday Sessions and then I'm going to the Rock. Does anyone wanna come?

Today's Theme Song: Do They See Jesus in Me? by Joy Williams

Is the face that I see in the mirror the one I want others to see?
Do I show in the way that I walk in my life the love that you've given to me?
My heart's desire is to be like you in all that I do, all I am

Do they see Jesus in me?
Do they recognize your face?
Do I communicate your love and your grace?
Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be?
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me?

Well it's amazing that you'd ever use me, but use me the way you will
Help me to hold out heart of compassion and grace
A heart that your Spirit fills
May I show forgiveness and mercy the same way you've shown it to me

Do they see Jesus in me?
Do they recognize your face?
Do I communicate your love and your grace?
Do I reflect who you are in the way I choose to be?
Do they see Jesus, Jesus in me?

Well I want to show all the world that You are the reason I live and breathe
So You'll be the one that they see when they see me

Oh, do they see Jesus in me?

Do They See Jesus in Me?

Acts 2:42-47 describes some very devoted believers in Christ. Soul Journey.org described 4 of the main practices that these believers did.

• Teaching: They focused on the gospel—the telling of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. This powerful teaching resulted in disciples who presented a focused, clear message.

• Fellowship: As the believers met at the temple, or in one another’s homes, genuine love and caring was exhibited that had to attract unbelievers. There was a way about them—an identity—that marked the believers.

• Breaking Bread: It’s likely that the meaning of this practice mentioned in Acts 2:42 is the remembrance of the Lord’s Supper. As believers consistently broke bread and took the cup together, their hearts, minds, and wills were brought to the cross for purification and renewed passion.

• Prayer: The believers were following the practice of Jesus. The words poured forth from hearts that were filled with awe at what God was doing in their midst.

These people did this EVERY DAY. I want to be able to do this EVERY DAY so that no one will be able to miss the fact that I believe in Jesus Christ. Through teaching, fellowship, remembering Christ's death through Communion, and prayer, I want others to be able to see Jesus living in me.

Dear Jesus,

You are God. You are holy. You are loving. You are awesome.

I confess to you that I haven't been exemplifying what it means to be a Christian. I'm sorry for hiding you inside my heart and not letting you shine through me. Please forgive me and help me to be the disciple that you called me to be.

Thank you for your Word today and thank you for the example you left for me to follow in Acts 4:42-47. Thank you for a good night's rest last night. I got to sleep almost 12 hours. Thank you for starting my day off with me once again. Thank you for loving me and holding me in your arms last night when I felt alone. Thank you for putting me to sleep when I couldn't go to sleep. Thank you for all the blessings in my life, especially people. Thank you for life itself and the calling you've given me to share Your life with everyone. Thank you for Mel Gibson and his movie. I'm so excited.

I pray Lord that you would help me to be a good disciple, a good servant. Help me to boldly share Your story with people. Help me to fellowship and love others with Your amazing love. I pray that I will always remember that you suffered extreme pain and died on the cross to save me from my sins and to give me eternal life in Heaven. I pray that you give me consistency in spending time with you EVERY DAY. I pray that I would start the day off with you every day. I pray also for the Passion movie. I pray that it will be used as a strong evangelistic tool and that through this movie, millions of people will come to know what you did for us all. I also pray for my friends. For those who know you already as their personal Savior, I pray that you would strengthen their faith and love for You. Help them to grow and to share You with everyone they know. I pray for those of my friends who don't know you as their personal Lord and Savior. Help me to reach out to them by bringing them to church, taking them to see the Passion, and even just talk to them about You. I pray for Ian, that you would strenghten his faith and that you would use him mightily for Your glory. I also pray for my family. I pray that you would make them all strong women of faith and that you would use them to further Your Kingdom.

I love you Jesus.

PCC begins...

Dear Jesus,

Today was a beautiful blessing. After the mmw quiz, Mark, Ferry and I, walked to the saac lounge to hang out and check out if the roles for pcc had been posted up. Then I saw Laura and she helped me with my hw a WHOLE bunch. Then the roles were posted and I got a part named Mandi Rigma. Oh and I saw ReyRey too... I miss him. We need to catch up. I got to invite him to see the Passion with us. Anyway, Jason came in with his guitar, and I started singing. I was having so much fun. Then Jalyn came and later Jason, her, and I ate dinner together. Thank you for the great eating buddies today. I also got to talk to Abe about stuff and I haven't talked to him in a while. OH and I sang three part harmony with Joe and Abe. It was beautiful!!!

Then after that we went to the meeting at the Cross Cultural Center. That was waaaaaaaaaaaay fun. We played a game, laughed a lot watching the old PCC videos, and shared stories of our experiences with the new people. It made me tear a bit when I thought of Pa. Hi Pa! Miss you!!

Then afterwards, I went to Hed's place (aka Bien's and Dianne's place) and we had a jam session. Hed had a drum set, Jason had his guitar... Teddy was there playing drums too.. I sang a bit and Mark did too. Then after people started leaving... me, Mark, and Miguel started messing around with the guitar and making up songs about each other. That was fun.

So overall I had a beautiful, fun day with great people. You have totally blessed me today and surrounded me with loving friends. Thank you.

As a walked to my apt. alone, though, the loneliness tried to creep back in. This is the hardest part of my day now. No Ian to talk to on the phone at night and sing Tango Mango to me. It's just you and me Jesus. Just the two of us from now on. I'll sing to you this time...

I sing a simple song of love
To my Savior, to my Jesus
I'm grateful for the things you've done
My loving Savior, oh precious Jesus

My heart is glad that you've called me your own
There's no place I'd rather be

Than in your arms of love
In your arms of love
Holding me still
Holding me near
In your arms of love

Today's Theme Song: Worth It All by Alltogether Separate

It will be worth it all someday
It will be worth it
to go the straight and narrow way
When we finally see His face
And feel His warm embrace
It will be worth it all that day

These present troubles don't compare
To all the glory our God,
He has prepared
'cause when we finally see His face
And feel His strong embrace
It will be worth it all that day

And I can see the angels
as they celebrate and call your name
And I can hear the Father,
with a tear in His eye
As He says well done
my good and faithful servant
Well done

It will be worth it all
It will be worth it all
It will be worth it all that day