Wow. It's been a really long time since I've blogged last. A lot has changed in my life. After I graduated, I performed at La Jolla Playhouse's production of Most Wanted, then did a play with Mo'olelo Performing Arts Company called Cowboy Versus Samurai. In between all of that, I travelled to New York twice to audition for Telsey Casting for two Broadway shows. During those trips, I realized how important it was for me to move out to New York to really pursue my dream of being on Broadway. So in the middle of the Cowboy run, I decided overnight that I was going to move. I emailed folks, made some calls, and in a few weeks, the ball was rolling. I had a place to live, a job, and a plan.
The day after Christmas, I flew out to New York. It was and is sooo cold out here. After staying with at my friend Adrian's place for a few days, I moved into my own apartment out in Queens. Life is different. I'm single, living away from my family in a big new city, and growing up. I've experienced a lot of wake up calls throughout this process. Like for example, in New York, people are hella hustling and grinding. There's no time for bs. People tell you what's on their minds. Also, the process of following your dreams requires that all your energy be focused on solely that. Energy is precious and must be conserved. Romantic relationships take a lot of energy and there is no room to allow anyone else to take that energy from me. I will not let anyone be my crutch. In order to follow your dreams, you must take care of yourself and be good to yourself. Once I've mastered that and I've achieved my goals, only then will I be able to find real happiness in a relationship.
Stay focused. Stay driven. Stay grounded. Stay challenged.
Be growing and improving constantly. Keep building momentum.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
back to school...
i just realized that tomorrow starts the beginning of the end for me. my last quarter at UCSD. i'm not sure whether to be sad or happy.
i have two shows coming up this week. one is the gala called "A Night on Broadway". oh my gosh... I just checked the link and the director posted up a link to a video clip from my audition! what the crap! i guess he really liked it! that's hella trippy... anyway, i have to find a gown to wear to this gala cuz it's a $50/ticket show and it's supposed to be really fancy.
the other show I'm doing is "Love, Grief, and Spelling" with my birthday twin Daniel Gordh. It's a musical revue of all these freakin hard songs. i'm excited... but somehow, really super duper nervous. my whole familia is coming to watch it.
on top of all of that... i'm still desperately trying to find a roomie to replace bien. but it's super hard cuz it's in the middle of the year and hardly anyone is looking to move in the middle of the school year. anyway... it sucks.
this whole past week i haven't worn any makeup or dressed up really... it's been pretty nice. it saves a lot of time, and a lot of stress too. it helps when the person you're around is one of your best friends and doesn't really care what you look like. thank you... you know who you are.
ooooh i went to the grocery store to buy essentials! i have bagels downstairs! i think i'll make one. then i have to get ready to go to church.
before i go... i'll quote a line from the most wonderfullest movie ever made...
"You know Ben, it's too bad Mom didn't call me Hiroshima... Cuz I'm the bomb!!!" - Rose from The Debut.
oooohh.... good times... good times.
i have two shows coming up this week. one is the gala called "A Night on Broadway". oh my gosh... I just checked the link and the director posted up a link to a video clip from my audition! what the crap! i guess he really liked it! that's hella trippy... anyway, i have to find a gown to wear to this gala cuz it's a $50/ticket show and it's supposed to be really fancy.
the other show I'm doing is "Love, Grief, and Spelling" with my birthday twin Daniel Gordh. It's a musical revue of all these freakin hard songs. i'm excited... but somehow, really super duper nervous. my whole familia is coming to watch it.
on top of all of that... i'm still desperately trying to find a roomie to replace bien. but it's super hard cuz it's in the middle of the year and hardly anyone is looking to move in the middle of the school year. anyway... it sucks.
this whole past week i haven't worn any makeup or dressed up really... it's been pretty nice. it saves a lot of time, and a lot of stress too. it helps when the person you're around is one of your best friends and doesn't really care what you look like. thank you... you know who you are.
ooooh i went to the grocery store to buy essentials! i have bagels downstairs! i think i'll make one. then i have to get ready to go to church.
before i go... i'll quote a line from the most wonderfullest movie ever made...
"You know Ben, it's too bad Mom didn't call me Hiroshima... Cuz I'm the bomb!!!" - Rose from The Debut.
oooohh.... good times... good times.
Friday, December 22, 2006
my glorious comeback
i've decided to blog again. why? i was reading someone's and i remembered how fun it was to just vomit all of my thoughts onto a page... for myself and for anyone else in my life who might think that what i have to say is interesting.
sooo before i write my first real entry for this year...
i'm going to wally-world. sshhh... don't tell bien.
sooo before i write my first real entry for this year...
i'm going to wally-world. sshhh... don't tell bien.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Thursday, July 14, 2005
HI!
pictures of my room:
"The Kensley Queendom"
there are more pictures of the beeeyoootiful house in my imagestation thingy thing too.
anyways, i'm procrastinating. supposed to be writing for my playwriting class right now. it's hard.
that's all for now.
"The Kensley Queendom"
there are more pictures of the beeeyoootiful house in my imagestation thingy thing too.
anyways, i'm procrastinating. supposed to be writing for my playwriting class right now. it's hard.
that's all for now.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
ihop waitress
I was dining at the fine establishment of the International House of Pancakes this morning with my good friend Mark in the San Fernando Valley. Our waitress was cordial and helpful as she asked us if we were ready to order. She was a quirky character-- a frizzy blond hair waitress who looked like she'd been working there forever, but still was confused about everything. I didn't realize how funny she was until after I thought about it. Allow me to share with you a few tidbits of her unintentional humor:
"Would you like to order any appetizers while you're looking? Oh wait, that's a silly question to ask for breakfast isn't it?
...
... I'll come back."
I order. Mark isn't ready yet. She then responds:
"Would you like some more time? I'll give you more time. I hate rushing people. I hate to be rushed. I'll come back."
We get our food after a while. It's good. She comes to check up on us.
"Is everything still as good as it looks?
...
... Man, I'm hungry."
Then I ask for my check as an exhausted Mark leans his head on my shoulder. She notices and responds:
"Awww, you're making me jealous... I'm sleepy.
...
...
... I just broke up with my boyfriend."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my gosh. How random. I loved her. If you still don't find this funny, call me up and I'll say it to you just like she did it. It's probably funnier that way.
Good times.
I'm glad you're still alive homeboy.
"Would you like to order any appetizers while you're looking? Oh wait, that's a silly question to ask for breakfast isn't it?
...
... I'll come back."
I order. Mark isn't ready yet. She then responds:
"Would you like some more time? I'll give you more time. I hate rushing people. I hate to be rushed. I'll come back."
We get our food after a while. It's good. She comes to check up on us.
"Is everything still as good as it looks?
...
... Man, I'm hungry."
Then I ask for my check as an exhausted Mark leans his head on my shoulder. She notices and responds:
"Awww, you're making me jealous... I'm sleepy.
...
...
... I just broke up with my boyfriend."
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh my gosh. How random. I loved her. If you still don't find this funny, call me up and I'll say it to you just like she did it. It's probably funnier that way.
Good times.
I'm glad you're still alive homeboy.
i can't sleep
maybe it's just cuz i'm excited.
i should be sleeping though.
you know what i was thinking? my taste in music is really influenced by my family. deep down... i really love musicals. i was singing today at my friend joe's graduation party and i just really enjoyed singing that kind of music. i really love jazz too. i want my kid(s) to have a really eclectic taste in music. i want them to really love music too. i was watching joe's little brother play the piano and i was like.. dang. that's tight. his sisters play violin and drums and joe plays the sax and his mom is an awesome soprano... that's what i want. i want all my kids to have a deep passion for music. whether it's playing an instrument, or singing, or creating, or even collecting... i want music to be a huge part of our lives... just like it is in my family now. it was really nice to see my mom and joe's mom and the rest of the madrigal crew sing today. i was like... that's my mom! we sang a little together too, which was nice. i miss my dad's harmony though. he would just come in and add his own automatically... that's the way my family is. even nikki who doesn't "sing" knows how to. i love it. today in the car, we were singing "journey to the past" by aaliyah and we broke into harmony at the end of the song without even planning it -- tin, nikki, and i. it was freakin tight. man, we were listening to all kinds of music today: pop, oldies, musicals, opera, filipino, r & b, hip hop... ha. me and tin were hella singing 1-2 step a capella. HA. she knows more of the lyrics than i do! silly tin tin.
ooooh. also, today before we went to the party, i had to clean out a whole bunch of stuff i don't need in the house anymore. i gave so many of my old good clothes to tin tin. it reminds me of the days when i was the recipient of hand-me-downs... i still am sometimes. i also found a box of letters from all kinds of friends... best friends from middle school, boys who liked me and wrote really mushy gross letters to me... "i miss you in the morning, i miss you in the daytime, i miss you at night... i go to sleep and wake up and still i'd miss you..." HA! that's slick. NOT. talk about cheese. but what do you know when you're 13? you think it's the greatest thing in the world that someone misses you like that and tells you profusely. heck, i like it even now when someone says they miss me... i think now though i would appreciate it in a more eloquent, less cheeseballl form. maybe even in another language? ooooh. sexy. haha.
i miss my long hair. hair, please grow back fast. i'm tired of this short thing.
i wonder what life is gonna be like 30 years from now... i'll be 50. will i be able to look back at this weblog and laugh or will the internet be obsolete and outdated? what could they come up with next?
here's a message to the 50 year old zandi:
dear me,
if in fact you do get to read this 30 years from now, i hope you're happy. i hope you got to do a kajillion things that you dreamed of doing. i hope you're still singing and acting... i hope you're being creative. i hope you finally found someone to make you incredibly happy and who shares all your passions with you. i hope you have beautiful children. if none of this came true, then, well... it sucks to be you. ha.
sincerely,
zandi
ok... maybe i should sleep a little now.
it's father's day! happy father's day papa! i love you and miss you!
i should be sleeping though.
you know what i was thinking? my taste in music is really influenced by my family. deep down... i really love musicals. i was singing today at my friend joe's graduation party and i just really enjoyed singing that kind of music. i really love jazz too. i want my kid(s) to have a really eclectic taste in music. i want them to really love music too. i was watching joe's little brother play the piano and i was like.. dang. that's tight. his sisters play violin and drums and joe plays the sax and his mom is an awesome soprano... that's what i want. i want all my kids to have a deep passion for music. whether it's playing an instrument, or singing, or creating, or even collecting... i want music to be a huge part of our lives... just like it is in my family now. it was really nice to see my mom and joe's mom and the rest of the madrigal crew sing today. i was like... that's my mom! we sang a little together too, which was nice. i miss my dad's harmony though. he would just come in and add his own automatically... that's the way my family is. even nikki who doesn't "sing" knows how to. i love it. today in the car, we were singing "journey to the past" by aaliyah and we broke into harmony at the end of the song without even planning it -- tin, nikki, and i. it was freakin tight. man, we were listening to all kinds of music today: pop, oldies, musicals, opera, filipino, r & b, hip hop... ha. me and tin were hella singing 1-2 step a capella. HA. she knows more of the lyrics than i do! silly tin tin.
ooooh. also, today before we went to the party, i had to clean out a whole bunch of stuff i don't need in the house anymore. i gave so many of my old good clothes to tin tin. it reminds me of the days when i was the recipient of hand-me-downs... i still am sometimes. i also found a box of letters from all kinds of friends... best friends from middle school, boys who liked me and wrote really mushy gross letters to me... "i miss you in the morning, i miss you in the daytime, i miss you at night... i go to sleep and wake up and still i'd miss you..." HA! that's slick. NOT. talk about cheese. but what do you know when you're 13? you think it's the greatest thing in the world that someone misses you like that and tells you profusely. heck, i like it even now when someone says they miss me... i think now though i would appreciate it in a more eloquent, less cheeseballl form. maybe even in another language? ooooh. sexy. haha.
i miss my long hair. hair, please grow back fast. i'm tired of this short thing.
i wonder what life is gonna be like 30 years from now... i'll be 50. will i be able to look back at this weblog and laugh or will the internet be obsolete and outdated? what could they come up with next?
here's a message to the 50 year old zandi:
dear me,
if in fact you do get to read this 30 years from now, i hope you're happy. i hope you got to do a kajillion things that you dreamed of doing. i hope you're still singing and acting... i hope you're being creative. i hope you finally found someone to make you incredibly happy and who shares all your passions with you. i hope you have beautiful children. if none of this came true, then, well... it sucks to be you. ha.
sincerely,
zandi
ok... maybe i should sleep a little now.
it's father's day! happy father's day papa! i love you and miss you!
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
oh lancaster
i went to costco today with my mom and sister. good times.
aaaaaand that's about it.
there's really not much to do here in lancaster... which is why i'm on the computer constantly. then as i signed on to AIM, my best friend from high school, Anjana, IMed me that she was home! note: anjana and zandi in the same vicinity nowadays is a rare occurrence.
she came over and we tried to catch up and much as possible. i haven't seen her in 6 months. she left for madrid in december and came back for a few days only to leave again for india.
then i decided that i probably should wash all my clothes that are at the bottom of the pile in my van. SOOOO... i unloaded everything, repacked the stuff neatly, and then brought all my clothes in to wash. i'm sitting in the tv room watching "cheaper by the dozen" and waiting for my first load to finish. my guess is that i have about 5 loads to do.
it's so weird being home. the past few weeks have been so eventful. i've had so much fun hanging out with friends and there's something going on every night. then i come back home and... nada. nothing to do, no one to see, nowhere to really go. it's actually kinda nice for a while. i can seriously chill in my booty shorts and tshirt the whole day and not worry about smelling good for anyone!
by the way... hillary duff sucks at singing.
my sister nikki and her boyfriend josiah have been together for 2 years. how do they do it? craziness. when will it be my turn dangit! toni is in love apparently. congratulations. nini is engaged. yikers. tin tin and i played on her new dance dance revolution pads today that she got as a graduation gift. it was awesome. i love that girl. mom's still superwoman -- doing everything and just being a straight up balla... making all this mula to support her huge family.
father's day is coming up. happy father's day pa.
you know what's crazy? how some things don't change. i was sitting with anjana on my couch and just realizing how thankful i am that since 9th grade, we've been best friends. it's so hard to find friends like that. no matter how long we've been away from each other, or how much our lives have changed, we've been best friends through it all. amazing.
ok i'm just blog-vomiting now. i'm sorry. there's nothing better to do. myspace is down. ha.
time to check on my laundry.
night people.
aaaaaand that's about it.
there's really not much to do here in lancaster... which is why i'm on the computer constantly. then as i signed on to AIM, my best friend from high school, Anjana, IMed me that she was home! note: anjana and zandi in the same vicinity nowadays is a rare occurrence.
she came over and we tried to catch up and much as possible. i haven't seen her in 6 months. she left for madrid in december and came back for a few days only to leave again for india.
then i decided that i probably should wash all my clothes that are at the bottom of the pile in my van. SOOOO... i unloaded everything, repacked the stuff neatly, and then brought all my clothes in to wash. i'm sitting in the tv room watching "cheaper by the dozen" and waiting for my first load to finish. my guess is that i have about 5 loads to do.
it's so weird being home. the past few weeks have been so eventful. i've had so much fun hanging out with friends and there's something going on every night. then i come back home and... nada. nothing to do, no one to see, nowhere to really go. it's actually kinda nice for a while. i can seriously chill in my booty shorts and tshirt the whole day and not worry about smelling good for anyone!
by the way... hillary duff sucks at singing.
my sister nikki and her boyfriend josiah have been together for 2 years. how do they do it? craziness. when will it be my turn dangit! toni is in love apparently. congratulations. nini is engaged. yikers. tin tin and i played on her new dance dance revolution pads today that she got as a graduation gift. it was awesome. i love that girl. mom's still superwoman -- doing everything and just being a straight up balla... making all this mula to support her huge family.
father's day is coming up. happy father's day pa.
you know what's crazy? how some things don't change. i was sitting with anjana on my couch and just realizing how thankful i am that since 9th grade, we've been best friends. it's so hard to find friends like that. no matter how long we've been away from each other, or how much our lives have changed, we've been best friends through it all. amazing.
ok i'm just blog-vomiting now. i'm sorry. there's nothing better to do. myspace is down. ha.
time to check on my laundry.
night people.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
home
i'm home.
after a hectic week of residents moving out, my last show for the year, graduations, and my own surprise cotillion, and moving out of my dorm, i'm home. home's something i definitely take for granted. the past two days, i've felt so uneasy because i don't have a home of my own in san diego. i moved out of ERC and my house in mira mesa isn't ready until next week. my van is packed with my crap (thanks to my homeboy dj mark marcelo) and the rest of my stuff is dispersed among friends. i don't plan to unpack my van until we get to mira mesa.. the beautiful kensley house.
anyway, after i took the LONG way home and drove in traffic -- a total of 3.5 hours of driving, i came home today to a beautiful home. my home. the smell, the warmth, the feel of it... my sister chillin in the living room watching tv... i love it all. i am so freakin blessed. there's food in the refrigerator, a huge tv to watch, a new concrete slab and basketball hoop in the backyard, and beautiful women i love everywhere. nikki updated me on how to survive in the house and what to expect from everyone. then we went downstairs and did each other's hair. we gave me a mohawk and put her hair in curlers. nini brought home cookie mix and i made a batch of sugar cookies.
in san diego i was so stressed out... but coming home here feels like a getaway. it's kinda funny because it used to be the exact opposite. i never wanted to come home. i always wanted to get away and go back to san diego. but now... home is so peaceful and relaxing. i can't wait to make our kensley house a relaxing home too.
so everyone... 8 days til my 21st birthday. yahoo! oh speaking of which, i would like to thank the following people for the most amazing surprise COTILLION in my life:
bieNowie, mark mora, mark marcelo, migz, ray, jin, mama, nini, toni, nikki, tin and everyone who came to celebrate with me last sunday. if ever there is a day when i doubt whether or not i am loved, i'll just remember that day. i love you.
time to sleep now.
after a hectic week of residents moving out, my last show for the year, graduations, and my own surprise cotillion, and moving out of my dorm, i'm home. home's something i definitely take for granted. the past two days, i've felt so uneasy because i don't have a home of my own in san diego. i moved out of ERC and my house in mira mesa isn't ready until next week. my van is packed with my crap (thanks to my homeboy dj mark marcelo) and the rest of my stuff is dispersed among friends. i don't plan to unpack my van until we get to mira mesa.. the beautiful kensley house.
anyway, after i took the LONG way home and drove in traffic -- a total of 3.5 hours of driving, i came home today to a beautiful home. my home. the smell, the warmth, the feel of it... my sister chillin in the living room watching tv... i love it all. i am so freakin blessed. there's food in the refrigerator, a huge tv to watch, a new concrete slab and basketball hoop in the backyard, and beautiful women i love everywhere. nikki updated me on how to survive in the house and what to expect from everyone. then we went downstairs and did each other's hair. we gave me a mohawk and put her hair in curlers. nini brought home cookie mix and i made a batch of sugar cookies.
in san diego i was so stressed out... but coming home here feels like a getaway. it's kinda funny because it used to be the exact opposite. i never wanted to come home. i always wanted to get away and go back to san diego. but now... home is so peaceful and relaxing. i can't wait to make our kensley house a relaxing home too.
so everyone... 8 days til my 21st birthday. yahoo! oh speaking of which, i would like to thank the following people for the most amazing surprise COTILLION in my life:
bieNowie, mark mora, mark marcelo, migz, ray, jin, mama, nini, toni, nikki, tin and everyone who came to celebrate with me last sunday. if ever there is a day when i doubt whether or not i am loved, i'll just remember that day. i love you.
time to sleep now.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Thursday, June 09, 2005
know your worth
i've struggled with that this year.
i know now that it is possible for someone to realize my worth right off the bat.
i didn't know my worth... and i allowed myself to be take advantage of and taken for granted.
a whole year passed and it took me too many lessons to learn that someone out there is made for me and HE will know it when he sees me. i won't have to convince him. he'll just know.
i know now that it is possible for someone to realize my worth right off the bat.
i didn't know my worth... and i allowed myself to be take advantage of and taken for granted.
a whole year passed and it took me too many lessons to learn that someone out there is made for me and HE will know it when he sees me. i won't have to convince him. he'll just know.
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